Wednesday, April 23, 2008

I am terrified of the toilet.

It's time. She's mobile. Upwardly, downwardly, backwardly and forwardly. Kind of wonkily, actually. Hello Adverbs! I love you today!

She's sort of crawling, with one knee and one foot, and making quick progress into whatever she shouldn't be into. She pulls herself up on the furniture, and cruises along, as quick as a wink. She's even tried pulling herself up on Lucy, who doesn't like it very much.

I have learned:

  • toys aren't fun unless they can inflict serious bodily harm. Or kill you.
  • electrical cords are delicious, like spaghetti! Especially the sparky ones.
  • little bits of unidentified crud are meant to be eaten. A dog who gets 3-5 walks a day brings in a lot of unidentified crud. (Mom now vacuums daily.)
  • the bottoms of shoes are tasty and should be licked frequently! Especially outside ones.
  • Buttons are meant to be pushed, dials are meant to be turned, and all music should be played at level 11.
  • Doggie water dishes are baby pools. With added spit!
  • Things in drawers or baskets should be out of them and thrown on the floor. Ditto for stuff on shelves.
  • If you think she won't get into it, she'll get into it faster. Especially when you aren't looking or have your pants around your ankles or have a pot boiling over.
  • Dogs don't like to be pulled up on by a 20 pound baby. They don't like vacuums either.

So, we've begun to babyproof. Candles are mostly gone, save the 'necessary' bathroom one for the stinky moments. Sit-around-cute-decor-crap is put away. Baskets of magazines have been recycled and closeted. Plugs are plugged, cords are tucked behind the couches, and stuff is pushed back to an unreachable area on each end table. Plexiglass has been ordered to cover the stereo/cable TV/ computer equipment and cords, and any tippy furniture has been screwed to the wall. She is a climber--she already started with her dresser drawers. At 10 months! And people wonder why we call her the evil monkey.

And the next paycheck plans include a mounted gate for the top of the stairs, toilet locks, drawer locks, cabinet locks and any other assorted baby safety crap that becomes an absolute necessity when I'm standing in the store.

They'll be able to smell a sucker like me a mile away.


Kelly said...

You discribed it all so perfectly!! When my kids were that age I just left my vaccum out in the living room b/c it was pointless putting it away knowing I would have to vaccum at least everyday sometimes twice a day (especially with the second one, a toddler and a baby is not a good combo for this situation). Sounds like you have it under control and figured out!

Anonymous said...

This brings back a flood of memories. Kristen flipped herself out of her crib at nine months....right after she started crawling. She was this little wiry thing and just swung her leg up over the side! Even though the bed had been lowered to the lowest level....scary!! Jenn on the other hand decided she didn't want to walk till she was 13 months....just crawl. Different strokes as they say! Don't forget the outlet covers for those with no plugs in them! Auntie B

Mama Bear said...

Ha! Miss 9 was just like this. She licked everything! Still does actually which is really, really weird. I'm a little afraid of an oral fixation and what this will mean for her future.
Miss 9 was crawling out of her crib by 11 months. I wish you luck!
Thank you for making me laugh, you don't know how much I needed that!

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