Appropriate Dress

Monday was chilly in Happy Valley. The temperature read 26, but the wind was strong, so our daily mile and a half walk with Lucy was a cold one. (We shortened it. A mile was plenty.) Despite being fairly well-dressed and covered with a blanket, Rowan got cold and yelled as the wind chapped her cheeks.

On Tuesday, the temp was the same so I decided to really pull out all the stops. Though I didn't expect the wind to be as strong, I wasn't taking any chances. I needed that walk. (Damn you, cookies!) I dressed her in snow pants, boots, and grabbed her jacket, mittens and hat. I tossed the jacket on the floor so she could do her "1,2, Fliperoo!", and went into the living room to find my own shoes, which tend to migrate on a set of little feet. When I got back, she had her jacket on, but the hat was no where to be seen.

"Where is it?" I said, looking around the kitchen. I looked under the table. On top of the table. On the kitchen counter. On top of the freezer. In the living room. On the bookshelf. Nope.

"Sheesh!" I told Rowan. "I must be losing it. I just had your hat here. You have to have a hat on! It's too cold to go with just your hood. You need a hat."

"Hat? Hat?" she answered. Then the light went on in her eyes, and she stomped into the living room in her pink furry snowboots.

She came back wearing this.




Unfortunately, it didn't fit under her hood.

Dear Pennsylvania,

This is where I'm from.

***********************


Cold Weather Behavior:

60 above zero: Floridians turn on the heat. North Dakotans plant gardens.

50 above zero: Californians shiver uncontrollably. People are sunbathing in Fargo.

40 above zero: Import cars won't start. North Dakotans drive with the sunroof open.

32 above zero: Distilled water freezes. The water in Devils Lake gets thicker.

20 above zero: New Mexicans don long johns, parkas and wool hats & mittens. North Dakotans throw on a flannel shirt.

15 above zero: New York landlords finally turn on the heat. People in North Dakota have one last cookout before it gets cold.

Zero: People in Miami all die. North Dakotans close the windows.

10 below zero: Californians fly away to Mexico. North Dakotans dig their winter coats out of storage.

25 below zero: Hollywood disintegrates. Girl Scouts in North Dakota still selling cookies door to door.

40 below zero: Washington, D.C. finally runs out of hot air. People in North Dakota let their dogs sleep indoors.

100 below zero: Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. North Dakotans get upset because the Mini-Van won't start.

460 below zero: ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero on the Kelvin scale). People in North Dakota can be heard to say, "Cold 'nuff fer ya?"

500 below zero: Hell freezes over. North Dakota public schools open 2 hours late.

I do not understand this state.

It is 11 AM.

It is 34 degrees.

There is not a flake on the ground.

It's not raining.

It's not snowing.

There's no wind.

We're supposed to have freezing rain at 8 PM. That's tonight.

AND TODAY THEY CANCELED SCHOOL.

OK, yes, I grew up in North Dakota, where they don't cancel school when it's -60 F, we have 3 feet of snow on the ground, 80 mph winds, and more snow falling. AND we're all driving around on 2 inches of ice because it's illegal to salt the roads. But come on! This is insane!

Proof: East Coasters are WUSSES.